What an understatement that is!
I'm not quite sure how to adequately sum up the antics that occured in the Holtzman household this afternoon, but I'll give it a try...
Vance was home from work, sick with the rest of the family. That fact alone is important because it speaks to our reduced level of patience... you know, the not feeling good makes you less patient - right?
Anyway, we noticed that Noah's glasses were missing. When we asked him where he put them, his repeated answer was "I don't know".
Vance and I turned the house upside down looking for them...
We moved furniture...
We removed couch cushions...
We dumped out laundry baskets and toy bins...
We searched in drawers and cabinets...
All to no avail. Then a curious thing happened....
I noticed that the toilet in Noah's bathroom was clogging up.
The reason this was "curious" is because our little Noah has a history with toilet dropping. What does that mean? It means he enjoys "dropping" things in the toilet and then "accidentally" flushing them on down!
We first learned of this past time when he ratted himself out and confessed (months ago) to flushing Emmie's "big pink bow" down the toilet. He did it too... I've never seen that bow again!
The next incident was the toilet paper holder (the bar that holds the toilet paper) itself! Yep... it too went down the drain.
So, when we see a clogged toilet in our household, it gives us pause for concern.
And so it began...
The questioning... "Noah, did you flush your glasses down the toilet"
The re-questioning... "Are you sure you didn't flush your glasses down the toilet"
The explanations... "We won't be mad... we just need to know if your glasses went down the toilet"
The sermons... "Jesus tells us that we should not tell lies. Are you telling us a lie."
And then the questioning started over again... "Noah, did you flush your glasses down the toilet...."
Through all of our interrogating and explaining and preaching, Noah maintained his innocence. Mind you, his eyes were having trouble making direct eye contact with me, but nevertheless, he proclaimed his innocence and vowed that he was NOT lying. And he knew that Jesus knows when he is telling a lie! Even after sitting on his bed for the better part of an hour while he "thought about it", he continued to proclaim INNOCENCE!
And then, in a true OJ-esque fashion, he changed his tune. Just like that. Perhaps it was because I told him that I could call a plumber to come and stick something down the toilet to see if his glasses were there. Upon hearing that bit of information, his response was...
"I think you need to call a plumber."
When I asked him why, he simply stated...
"Because I put my glasses down the potty."
Hhmmm.....
After a sufficient dose of "consequences" and another sermon on the severity of lying, Noah continued to maintain his GUILT. The thought did cross my mind... perhaps we coerced this confession out of him... is it really a true confession? I watch "Law & Order"... I know it happens!
At any rate, the plumber arrived and Noah was VERY curious about the plumber.
We had one last interrogation...
This one involved an unimpressive attempt to explain the concept of money to him. Yes, we tried to explain to him that it was going to cost a lot of money for the plumber to work on the potty, so we just needed to know for sure whether the glasses were in there. I'm sure his understanding of that concept was just about as clear as my writing of it!
Nevertheless, he continued to plead GUILTY.
And so the next series of events began...
The plumber tried to take the toilet OUT of the bathroom!
It was stuck!
The tank broke!
Water flooded the bathroom floor!
And the basement (we later discovered)!
The toilet finally made its way from our bathroom to our front lawn!
And guess what...NO GLASSES!
In the plumber's "professional opinion", they had probably already made it to the main sewer line and if our "sewer happens to back up, at least we know why"! Wonderful... I felt so much better upon hearing that bit of information.
So... $150 later, we had a NEW toilet tank and a toilet BACK in the bathroom.
But NO glasses. And a curious confession, at best.
I nonchalantly told Noah that the plumber had not found the glasses. He didn't blink an eye and simply stated...
"They are not there because I don't think I put them in the potty."
WHAT?!?!
That began Round 2 of the questioning, lecturing, and explaining!
We finally let it go and decided that we had managed to accomplish at least one thing... thoroughly confusing our poor four year old to the point that he really didn't know WHAT he did with his glasses!
A couple of hours later, PaPa entered the scene.
PaPa called and I summed up the days events for him. Noah asked to talk to PaPa on the phone and proceeded to tell PaPa that he DID, indeed, put his glasses in the potty. Another OJ move... who could keep track now!
About an hour after the phone call, PaPa came by to say hi. And once again, Noah had a different story... this time, he maintained his innocence... again!
So they decided to go downstairs to "shoot some hoops", but PaPa told Noah that before they did that, they should look for his glasses. Noah eagerly agreed, but cautioned PaPa that he had already looked "everywhere" and couldn't find them.
About 20 minutes later, PaPa summoned me to the basement. He first pointed out the water all over the floor (thank goodness for stained concrete flooring!) and he then pointed to this...
Noah's glasses tucked between two pillows on a chair that we probably walked by at least 10 times today!!!
Noah seemed neither surprised nor excited to have found the glasses. It was kind of a "non-event" to him. I think he was so psychologically scarred by our "confession coercions" that he "blocked out" all things related to the now infamous glasses!
At any rate, the glasses are found...
Noah is not going to have to sell his toys in order to pay for new glasses. (Yes, I did make that suggestion in a desperate attempt to teach him a lesson!)...
We have a brand new toilet tank and a freshly scrubbed bathroom floor....
And PaPa and Noah had a good "sum it all up" conversation about these events and telling the truth.
But... I did happen to get it on VIDEO! If you would like to watch this milestone, the walking part occurs at the end... be patient! And don't forget to pause the blog music on the right!
Enter a new walking incentive... (and an excuse to buy some really cute shoes!)...
So, with the "Squeakers" on her sweet feet, we continued to help Emily with her Steppin'. 
And so it seems...
Oh! how I hope to be able to open up these bins again for a new little life.... someday!
