THE Question

It's kind of funny... 


I've been getting asked "THE Question" a lot recently.  Two times today, as a matter of fact.


THE Question apparently changes with the number of children you have.


After I had Emily, THE Question was...


"So... now that you have both a boy and a girl, are you done?" 


Now that I have three kids, THE Question usually goes something like...


"So... is there going to be a 4th"


or


"So... do you WANT more?"


The interesting thing about THE Question is that when it is asked, it is typically asked in a manner that makes me feel like the person asking thinks I must be crazy if I answer anything other than NO.


We live in a nation in which the average number of children per family is something close to 2.5.  Two children seems to be the "right number" for many families.  So I suppose it is natural for people to ponder THE Question.


Like many, if I would've been asked THE Question 11-12 years ago (when I was first married), I would probably have said that two was the "right number" for my family too.  Like many in today's society, I mistakenly thought that it was me who was capable of creating the perfect plan for the size and timing of my family.  And I held that view for nearly 6 years.


Thankfully, I can say that I don't have a lot of regrets in my life.  But I do have one.  And it is a regret that I feel more now than ever.... after the birth of Molly.


I regret that my answer to the THE Question would've been no.  I regret that I waited to have children for nearly 7 years because "it wasn't the right time" for me.  I regret that I conformed to society's view of what being successful and "ready for children" meant.  I regret that I wasn't open to what God might have had planned for the size and timing of my family.  


I have a lot of regret over all things related to "THE Question".


I feel very fortunate that during those 6 years, I began to reexamine my faith.  I had lots of questions about the Church and I wanted to understand more clearly why it held some of the teachings it held.  One such teaching related to the disapproval of artificial contraception.  I just didn't "get" that one!


I remember reading the testimony of a lady who had held similar views to the ones I held at the time.  She, too, desperately wanted to conform her will to the Lord's will for her life.  She said that she trusted the Lord with just about everything in her life... everything except her fertility.  She didn't understand why, but in that one area, she felt like she couldn't completely trust the Lord.  She wanted to have control over that area of her life.  I could most definitely relate to those feelings.  


The testimony continued.  This lady (who happens to be Kimberly Hahn!) eventually made a decision to begin trusting the Lord with her fertility.  She now has 5 or 6 kids... I'm not sure exactly how many she has, but it is far more than the standard 2.5.  And she proclaims that her children are her greatest treasures!


But back to me.


I, too, eventually became convicted of the Church's teaching on life and contraception.  And Vance and I signed up to take a class to learn to practice Natural Family Planning.  Truth be told though, when we started NFP, my answer to THE Question would probably still have been that the standard 2.5 kids would be the "right number" for me.  After all, NFP can be used to responsibly plan your family in cooperation with God.  And there are legitimate reasons for postponing pregnancies.  I guess you could say that I was following the "letter of the law", but failed to understand the heart of it.  My reasons for planning to limit the number of children I had were more in the selfish category than in the legitimate category.


After a while though, something changed.


And that something was ME.  It was my heart.


As I became more open to the gift of life, my heart for the number of children I wanted changed too.  My heart began to believe that it was God, not me, who knew what the perfect family might be for me... both the timing and the size of it. 


My answer to the THE Question was no longer NO!


I know that I am not alone.  I have read many testimonies and talked to many people who have had similar experiences with Natural Family Planning.  The funny thing is that there is a perception that people who practice NFP have lots of kids because NFP doesn't work!  The reality is that people who practice NFP have lots of kids because they wanted them!  It's true.  NFP is 99.9 percent effective.  It does work.  In more ways than one!  


And for me, I'm so glad that it worked.  


I am forever grateful for the Church's teaching on life.  For it changed my heart in so many ways.  


So....


How do I respond to THE Question these days?


The truth is that I don't know.  But I am open to the gift of new life and believe with all of my heart that God has the perfect plan for the size of my family.  


Even though life is crazy busy and crazy hard and most days I feel like a complete failure as a mother, I am still open.  Even though finances are tighter these days and our voices get raised more often than we would like, I am still open.  Even though my house is a disaster, my clothes don't fit, and my meals consist of peanut butter and cereal, I am still open.  I am far from "having it all together", but I am still open.  


Because I trust that God knows best.  


And I have a gentle reminder of that reality literally kicking me as I type!

She, too, is so glad that my answer to THE Question changed!