I have been in shock since 2:30 pm yesterday.
It was at that time that I learned some of the most devastating news I've known in my adult life.
My friends, Matt & Molly, learned yesterday that the Supreme Court of Kansas reversed the decisions made by the two previous courts. With that decision, their 2 year legal battle to finalize Wavy's adoption came to an abrupt and devastating end.
They will lose their 2 1/2 year old daughter.
In less than 30 days they have to give her to a family that she has never met. Put her in a home in which she has no mother. Hug her for the last time. Watch her walk away. Forever.
I can barely type the words. The tears blur the screen.
I didn't think it would happen.
Since I became involved in helping them last June, I have personally witnessed the thousands upon thousands of prayers that have been offered on their behalf. I witnessed what I believed (and still do believe) to be two miracles. (I wrote about them here and here).
I was certain that God would show himself to be the Supreme Ruler and would use this case to bear witness to the fact that God's law always trumps Man's law.
I was convinced that through this struggle of two years, God was weaving a story that would have a happy ending. An ending that would involve converted hearts and renewed faiths. An ending that included many, many answered prayers.
But tonight, I am faced to ponder something I know to be true, even though I cannot even begin to fathom why the story unfolded in the way that it did...
God's plan is perfect. His promises are true. Good can come from immense suffering.
I don't have any more words, other than to ask for your continued prayers for this sweet family. Please cry out on their behalf and ask God to show Himself, even amidst these heartbreaking circumstances.
Here is a part of Matt & Molly's blog post:
The bottom line is that in a couple of weeks we will lose our daughter, Wavy. There are very few, if any options left for us to change this ruling and even pursuing an appeal to the US Supreme Court will not change the fact that Wavy will be taken from us in a very short time. Right now, as you can imagine, we are in a state of shock. Although we've known all long, for 2 years, that this was a possibility it seemed less and less likely as time went on. To think that our family will go from 4 to 3 is just not something we're able to wrap our minds around. It seems so impossible. Yet, there is a growing realization that our time together is now limited. These are some of the last times we will hold her. Some of the last times we will here her say her funny phrases. Some of the last times we will hear her laugh, and cry. Some of the last times we will see her and Harper playing and laughing together...and it's starting to sink in along with the realization that our future looks very, very different then we thought it would.
There's a realization as we spend these times together as a family that we are getting ready to enter a really dark and painful place that will be dark and painful for quite some time and I feel like we are getting dragged there against our will, kicking and screaming - on the inside at least. With all of this, I still feel a sense of thankfulness. We have amazing friends and family that we know will walk through this with us. That will carry us, support us, pray for us, hold us, and make sure that we find the other side of this one day. We also do still maintain that while we don't understand why things are unfolding like this God is still sovereign and loving and will sustain us through this as well. I'm not sure how you make it through things like this without that part of yourself, that faith and knowing that He does restore and redeem even from the darkest place and injustice.
We've got quite a bit more to say about this situation, about faith, about adoption, about many things, but for now this is about all we can write. Hopefully, we're able to share more on this blog as time goes on, but we're not making any promises. There's quite an unknown ahead of us and we're not sure what the coming weeks will look like.
We know so many of you have been praying fervently for us during the last 2 years. Many of you have prayed with us and cried with us and supported is in so many ways. Right now, selfishly we would ask for your prayers once again. I have a sinking feeling that the struggle and pain of the last 2 years are going to pale in comparison to the weeks and months that lie ahead of us. So, we desperately ask for your prayers. First and foremost, please pray for our girls. This will unquestionably be the hardest on them. Without going into detail, I'm sure you can begin to imagine what it will be like for Wavy as she gets pulled from the only home she's ever known and enters a home that will be very different - most noticeably the fact that she won't have a mother - and she has an amazing one right now. Please pray for her that her transition will be smooth, that she will be safe and that she will be loved. There's a multitude of other prayers you can pray for her, but those are a few. Please pray for Harper. As hard as this will be for Molly and I, at least we know what's going on. I'm not sure what this will be like for a 4 year olds heart and mind. Pray that God will protect her and shield her from as much of this as possible, pray that he will give her understanding beyond her years. Pray that she will be able to express her feelings to us in ways that we can understand, and pray that she will feel safe and secure and know that she will always be with us. Pray also that we can find some excellent counsel that will help her and help Molly and I help her. Please pray for Molly and I as well. Pray that we will cling to each other and support each other especially in the coming weeks and months. Pray that we will be good parents to Harper - that we are patient, kind, and understanding of her and pray especially hard over the next several days and weeks. I wish I could tell you I knew what the plan was and how this was all going to go down, but we know very little other than it will all happen in less than 30 days as ordered by the court. We will try keep people updated through this blog as we're able to, but please, please keep us in your prayers.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
A Very Good Day... in Pictures!
Guess what?
Today was a very good day.
We did nothing.
Nothing in the sense that we had no place to go or be. No schedule.
And thus, we stayed home and had a very, very good day.
Our Anniversary gift to us was delivered! After 10 years of our old washer/dryer, these new ones were really something to get excited about! And tonight, every single laundry basket in our house is EMPTY!
I have a lot of ribbon. A lot. It resides in a little drawer in a little cabinet right outside my back door with all of my gift wrapping supplies. Well, that drawer with the ribbon drives.me.crazy! It is such a mess and I have no idea what is even inside because I can't see past the top layer of mess!
So tonight, when I went to wrap a little teacher gift for Noah's teacher, I tired of looking at that mess once and for all! So I took these...
And turned it into this!
Ahhh! It makes me so happy, I've opened up the drawer at least 5 times tonight just to peek inside and bask in the organization!
These came in the mail from Etsy today. Just in time for cute Pumpkin Patch pictures next weekend!
I was able to cross something off of my "project" list that has been there for 3 weeks! The summer to winter clothes transition is officially complete!
And my closet finally doesn't make me want to cry when I look inside. Approximately 90% of my clothes still look terrible on me (thanks to baby weight and Oreos), but they are at least color-coded and hanging up! It looks like I need to add some color to my wardrobe - huh?!
We (and by we I mean Vance) finally picked up the patio chairs that we purchased over 2 weeks ago! We enjoyed a gorgeous evening outside. Vance finished painting the deck and my dad grilled hamburgers. Lovely!
I hung this by my back door. I purchased it sometime over the summer and it somehow got lost inside one of Noah's bookshelves. I cleaned those out on Friday and found this little treasure again! It's magnetic and has cute little magnets on it. It will be my place to hang the things I simply cannot forget to walk out the door with each and every day. Important things like remembering to pay tuition and take school snacks and deliver gifts!
After a brief hiatus in the potty training (or should I call it a MAJOR regression!), Emily is finally interested in using the potty again. She really just likes putting the stickers on the chart because I bribed her and told her I'd buy her a Strawberry Shortcake movie when she had 30 stickers!
And speaking of Emily, her little imagination and personality just make me smile (even if it does cost me more to replace diapers)! I walked downstairs and saw that my little Emmie was taking very good care of all of her babies! Especially the last two on the right!
| Emma, Caroline, Joy, Noelle, Snuggle |
So there you have it.
It was a very good day, indeed!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Kitchen Love
Vance took the "big kids" to his mom's house over the weekend so I could have a little break. Sweet of him, I know! So after I put Molly to bed on Friday night, I had the house to myself with a million things I could do with my freedom from children. And what did I do?
Cleaned my kitchen, of course!
Not only did I clean it really well, I put away the million little things that have been sitting in little piles all over the place for weeks on end. It took me a good three hours, but for one whole entire blissful day, I got to enjoy a CLEAN kitchen... with absolutely NO piles and NO mess anywhere!
It was truly heaven!
And given that I got a new camera for my birthday that I had yet to break out of the box, I decided that my clean kitchen was surely the perfect occasion with which to inaugurate my new camera!
Although I'm very late, I'm linking up with Kelly's Kitchen Tour too!
So without further ado...
My very, very clean kitchen!
Cleaned my kitchen, of course!
Not only did I clean it really well, I put away the million little things that have been sitting in little piles all over the place for weeks on end. It took me a good three hours, but for one whole entire blissful day, I got to enjoy a CLEAN kitchen... with absolutely NO piles and NO mess anywhere!
It was truly heaven!
And given that I got a new camera for my birthday that I had yet to break out of the box, I decided that my clean kitchen was surely the perfect occasion with which to inaugurate my new camera!
Although I'm very late, I'm linking up with Kelly's Kitchen Tour too!
So without further ado...
My very, very clean kitchen!
| View into the Kitchen/Hearth Rooms |
| View of our island from Hearth Room See the little kiddie chairs - that's where we eat breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner! |
| The whole kitchen |
| My favorite part of my whole entire house is my oven hood and backsplash! |
| Looking over the island into the Hearth Room |
| The "Red Table" Eating Area |
| Another favorite of mine... the ends of the island are cut out to look kind of like furniture. |
| The Hearth Room where we spend 98% of time during the day! |
| The other side of the Hearth Room {As I was enjoying my toy free Hearth Room and clean Kitchen, I also got caught up on the Apprentice!} |
Monday, October 4, 2010
In the Name of the Father
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirt.
Amen.
Noah was tested on saying and making the Sign of the Cross at school last week. Although he has known the sign of the cross, said it, and used it appropriately since he was 2 years old, we have been practicing saying it very articulately and with the reverence it deserves.
Watching Noah reverently and deliberately make the sign of the cross before and after his prayers gave me reason to think about this visible sign of faith... one that is so commonplace to Catholics, but likely foreign to other Christians.
I inwardly cringe when I see a basketball player make the sign of the cross before shooting a free throw or someone on TV make the gesture before doing something dangerous, like bungee jump off of a tall building. They make it seem like a superstitious gesture. As if by making the gesture, he will make the free throw or she will be safe as she jumps off of the building.
The sign of the cross is far from a superstition or a meaningless gesture.
Plain and simple, the sign of the cross is a prayer.
Although it is traditionally made before and after a prayer is said, it, too, is a prayer.
And although it may be short and simple, it is a pretty powerful prayer because it symbolically sums up two of the central doctrines of Christianity! In making the sign of the cross, we recall the image of a cross with our hands... reminding ourselves that the salvation of humankind came through Christ on the cross. And as we say the words, "in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit", we are reminded of one of the greatest mysteries of our faith - the Trinity.
So as we make the sign of the cross, we not only call on God and ask for his blessing, we also symbolically proclaim that our salvation came from the cross of Christ, and we verbally profess our faith in a triune God.
There is nothing superstitious or meaningless about that!
The sign of the cross should never be used in a routine or blasphemous manner for it is a visible expression of our belief and hope in Jesus Christ!
And while it is used primarily by Catholics, it is just a prayer. One that can be said by anyone. A simple prayer with a big meaning!
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
The BEST
Sometimes I don't know how I got so lucky.
Really, I am the luckiest. I am.
I had a boyfriend in high school for 2 years.
Then I decided that I didn't want a boyfriend anymore and wanted to be a single girl.
And so I was for most of the rest of my high school years.
I went to college as a single girl, but always thought I would meet my husband during my college days. Or at least I hoped I would. If you haven't already figured this out, I am kind of a planner and meeting my future husband during college... well it was just part of my plan.
I had a boyfriend for the first year or so of college. That relationship came to an unfortunate end.
And then I was single again.
I spent what seemed like most of college as a single girl. It was fun for a while.
But then it got old. Very old.
I was surrounded with friends who had boyfriends. And they all seemed like they had the BEST boyfriends. Admittedly, I was jealous.
I was the girl who was constantly being "set up" for party dates. I was "set up" more times than I care to count. None of those "set ups" ever materialized and by the beginning of my Senior year in college, I proclaimed that I was "done with fraternity guys". I longed to meet a nice boy... a real gentleman who was respectful and had values.
And I was secretly scared that I wasn't going to meet my future husband in college. If I'm being really honest, that thought kind of terrified me.
So when my friend, Kelly, said that she and her friends thought they had found the perfect "non-fraternity" guy for me, I was more than willing to go along with their plan of "getting me to meet" him. The funny thing about it is that even though I had not officially met this "perfect guy", I had this feeling inside of me that if I ever did meet him, he just might be the one... the one I would want to be with forever.
Through a series of trials and errors, I did eventually meet this person. This "perfect guy".
We met in October of 1995, our Senior year in college.
And that ended my "single girl" status... forever!
I always jokingly tell people that Vance asked me to marry him on our first date. And it's actually true that he did, in jest, ask me to marry him on our first real date! There is more to that story that I will save and share only with my children.
Nevertheless, he did ask me a second time. This time he had my father's permission and a ring!
Almost exactly three years after meeting each other, Vance and I promised God and each other that we would love and honor each other every single day for the rest of our lives.
On our wedding day, my dad gave a toast. I still remember part of that toast. He told our wedding guests that when I called home to tell my parents that I had met a boy, that he instantly knew something was different than from the other times. He heard something different in my voice. He went on to share that he really knew it was different when I brought Vance through their front door only a month or so later! He said that I had a "sparkle in my eye" and he knew at that moment, that Vance was the one for me.
He was right.
I might have thought in my young years that my friends had the BEST boyfriends, but I had no idea that God was saving the very BEST for me!
Vance is the BEST husband a person could hope for. He is supportive of anything and everything that I want to do. He is loving and patient with me in ways that no other man would consider being. He puts me first. He forgives my shortcomings and puts up with my fragile emotions. He loves me in spite of my many faults and I know it.
Vance is the BEST daddy I could have dreamed of. He is patient and nurturing with our children. He plays with them even when he is exhausted after working a long day. He interacts with each of them in a special and different way. He is involved in every aspect of their lives... he helps me teach them and care for them in ways that many men don't. He is an impeccable role model to them. He loves them unconditionally and they know it.
Vance is the BEST man I know. His character and integrity is of the utmost importance to him. His value system is rooted deep within him and his love for Jesus is something that was taught to him long ago by his wonderful parents. He is a tireless worker, both in his work life and home life. He has great perspective and strives to be fair, honest, and caring in everything that he does. He is loyal, trustworthy, hard working, faithful, self sacrificing and just downright nice! And in case he didn't know that, shame on me for not telling him more often!
Thank you, Vance, for giving me 12 years of the BEST of everything!
We've been through 12 years of marriage, 3 different apartments, 2 temporary residences, 3 different homes, 4 different cities, 6 different jobs, 4 different cars, graduate school, lost jobs, the loss of a parent, scary medical times, fun vacations, lots of debt, 1 dog, 3 beautiful children together (and now 2 sets of washer/dryers - thank you)! Through ups and downs, you truly have been the BEST friend, husband, and partner that I could have ever hoped for.
I am the luckiest. I really am.
I don't know why, but God saved the very BEST man for me!
Really, I am the luckiest. I am.
I had a boyfriend in high school for 2 years.
Then I decided that I didn't want a boyfriend anymore and wanted to be a single girl.
And so I was for most of the rest of my high school years.
I went to college as a single girl, but always thought I would meet my husband during my college days. Or at least I hoped I would. If you haven't already figured this out, I am kind of a planner and meeting my future husband during college... well it was just part of my plan.
I had a boyfriend for the first year or so of college. That relationship came to an unfortunate end.
And then I was single again.
I spent what seemed like most of college as a single girl. It was fun for a while.
But then it got old. Very old.
I was surrounded with friends who had boyfriends. And they all seemed like they had the BEST boyfriends. Admittedly, I was jealous.
I was the girl who was constantly being "set up" for party dates. I was "set up" more times than I care to count. None of those "set ups" ever materialized and by the beginning of my Senior year in college, I proclaimed that I was "done with fraternity guys". I longed to meet a nice boy... a real gentleman who was respectful and had values.
And I was secretly scared that I wasn't going to meet my future husband in college. If I'm being really honest, that thought kind of terrified me.
So when my friend, Kelly, said that she and her friends thought they had found the perfect "non-fraternity" guy for me, I was more than willing to go along with their plan of "getting me to meet" him. The funny thing about it is that even though I had not officially met this "perfect guy", I had this feeling inside of me that if I ever did meet him, he just might be the one... the one I would want to be with forever.
Through a series of trials and errors, I did eventually meet this person. This "perfect guy".
We met in October of 1995, our Senior year in college.
And that ended my "single girl" status... forever!
I always jokingly tell people that Vance asked me to marry him on our first date. And it's actually true that he did, in jest, ask me to marry him on our first real date! There is more to that story that I will save and share only with my children.
Nevertheless, he did ask me a second time. This time he had my father's permission and a ring!
Almost exactly three years after meeting each other, Vance and I promised God and each other that we would love and honor each other every single day for the rest of our lives.
On our wedding day, my dad gave a toast. I still remember part of that toast. He told our wedding guests that when I called home to tell my parents that I had met a boy, that he instantly knew something was different than from the other times. He heard something different in my voice. He went on to share that he really knew it was different when I brought Vance through their front door only a month or so later! He said that I had a "sparkle in my eye" and he knew at that moment, that Vance was the one for me.
He was right.
I might have thought in my young years that my friends had the BEST boyfriends, but I had no idea that God was saving the very BEST for me!
Vance is the BEST husband a person could hope for. He is supportive of anything and everything that I want to do. He is loving and patient with me in ways that no other man would consider being. He puts me first. He forgives my shortcomings and puts up with my fragile emotions. He loves me in spite of my many faults and I know it.
Vance is the BEST daddy I could have dreamed of. He is patient and nurturing with our children. He plays with them even when he is exhausted after working a long day. He interacts with each of them in a special and different way. He is involved in every aspect of their lives... he helps me teach them and care for them in ways that many men don't. He is an impeccable role model to them. He loves them unconditionally and they know it.
Vance is the BEST man I know. His character and integrity is of the utmost importance to him. His value system is rooted deep within him and his love for Jesus is something that was taught to him long ago by his wonderful parents. He is a tireless worker, both in his work life and home life. He has great perspective and strives to be fair, honest, and caring in everything that he does. He is loyal, trustworthy, hard working, faithful, self sacrificing and just downright nice! And in case he didn't know that, shame on me for not telling him more often!
Thank you, Vance, for giving me 12 years of the BEST of everything!
We've been through 12 years of marriage, 3 different apartments, 2 temporary residences, 3 different homes, 4 different cities, 6 different jobs, 4 different cars, graduate school, lost jobs, the loss of a parent, scary medical times, fun vacations, lots of debt, 1 dog, 3 beautiful children together (and now 2 sets of washer/dryers - thank you)! Through ups and downs, you truly have been the BEST friend, husband, and partner that I could have ever hoped for.
I am the luckiest. I really am.
I don't know why, but God saved the very BEST man for me!
I love you!
Happy 12th Anniversary!
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Tradition Continues + 1
Noah has been going to college football games since the time he could barely walk!
He has always had an unordinarily long attention span and therefore, has been able to withstand the long football days on the gorgeous campus of The University of Kansas.... his parent's alma mater.
And he loves it!
And his Daddy loves that he loves it!
Through the years, Noah has looked forward to Saturdays in September and has spent much more time than most kids his age enjoying tailgating activities and cheering for his team!
He has always had an unordinarily long attention span and therefore, has been able to withstand the long football days on the gorgeous campus of The University of Kansas.... his parent's alma mater.
And he loves it!
And his Daddy loves that he loves it!
Through the years, Noah has looked forward to Saturdays in September and has spent much more time than most kids his age enjoying tailgating activities and cheering for his team!
September 2006
September 2007
September 2008
September 2009
And so it has been for the past 5 years... Vance and Noah spending quality time together amidst the hamburgers, hotdogs, fight songs and cheers.
Noah has done it all...
He's cheered for the Jayhawks when he could barely stand up...
when he was just a tiny tot...
when he needed a boost...
And even when it was very hard to see!
He's supported his Hawks when they are winning...
and even when they are losing too!
He's mastered tailgate games like "washers"...
And learned to catch and throw the pigskin too!
He's made friends with Daddy's buddies...
and Daddy's buddies kids!
He's looked up to the big kids who tailgate...
And hung out with other "little fans" like him!
He's been to games when it's very hot...
and when's it's freezing cold!
He's even been to games when it's raining!
He's been to early morning games...
and night time games too!
Even though Emily and I have joined in on a few tailgate parties over the years, KU Football games has been primarily a father-son activity. Us girls, well we always spend the day shopping instead of watching the game!
Until this year.
The tradition of September Saturday's in Lawrence started up again on September 4th. The boys dressed in their KU T-shirts, gathered their footballs and washers game, and packed up the cooler for the first tailgate party of the season.
This year though, Emily joined them!
She got to make the trip up to Lawrence with the boys and she couldn't have been more excited! Daddy even took her shopping early on Saturday morning to get a new T-shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes (he told me in frustration as he was trying to dress her that "she has nothing plain!").
And so off they went... the boys + 1!
And this sweet scene...
Well, it hasn't been seen again since September 4th!
Let's just say that Emily hasn't received another invitation to join in the tradition. She and I have spent the following Saturday's together doing things like this...
And so the tradition continues to continue...
The boys doing boy things and the girls doing girl things!
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