Life is often unfair.
On June 25th, Molly will turn 15 months.
On the same date, Emily will have just turned exactly 3 ½ years old and will walk down the aisle dressed to the nines as a flower girl in a wedding.
I would like to be posting pictures of these events….
Pictures of my sweet girls… celebrating birthday milestones and dressing up in fancy clothes to celebrate happy events.
But I can’t do it.
Not right now.
I am too sad to highlight these simple, yet precious, things about my own girls.
Because my heart is broken.
Broken because these days in June are excruciatingly painful for two friends who no longer have their own baby girls. The dates that are supposed to be happy in June have turned into painful, awful ones for these two mothers.
I can’t post pictures of my own girls when my mind is so confused about the unfairness of this fallen, broken world.
It doesn’t seem right.
*****
Almost exactly 3 months ago, I shopped in Charleston, SC with Suzie. We had so much fun picking out clothes for our little girls to wear this summer.
We found some really good sales. I specifically remember that Suzie was delighted to have found an orange tutu and matching birthday shirt... the perfect outfit for her daughter to wear this summer for her 3rd birthday.
We went to a consignment shop and found beautiful smocked dresses for our girls to wear this summer. Suzie said she was going to try to learn to make headbands to match the clothes.
I picked out a pair of PJs for Emily that had ballet shoes on them complete with a tutu. I also picked up a similar pair with a kitty cat on them with a bright pink tutu. That pair of PJs was for Suzie’s daughter. I planned to send it to her for her birthday this June.
My girls are wearing the smocked dresses, tutu’s and pink PJs I purchased on that trip.
But Suzie’s daughter is not. Not anymore.
And it’s all I can think about...
How unfair and painful life can be.
Lindsay turned three on June 11th.
She was only three for 7 days.
Without warning or explanation, on June 17th, while her Mama rocked her body in her arms, Lindsay’s spirit soared and her soul was welcomed into the loving arms of her Heavenly Father.
And I can’t get the thought of those clothes we purchased together out of my mind.
Clothes are just clothes. Nothing more than simple material possessions.
But for me, those clothes that will no longer be worn are an excruciatingly painful reminder that life is unexpected.
And unfair.
I know that this world is fallen. That we are not destined for this life, but for one far better than this. That our Earthly life is simply a tool to get us to our eternal destination.
But even with that knowledge, it all still seems unfair.
Very, very unfair.
For those of you who have followed Lindsay's journey alongside me, please keep her family in your prayers this week. Her funeral will be on Friday. More information can be found here.
*****
While I'm thinking about the coming days in June and the unfairness of life, I'd be remiss in not mentioning another mother who needs your prayers this week.
Waverley will turn three on June 28th.
Her mama will not be there to celebrate this milestone. She will not be able to give her a tea party, dress her in a tutu, or even tell her she loves her.
Waverley will turn three in the home of someone who didn't know her for the first 2 1/2 years of her life.
And this is just another reminder that life is unexpected and often, unfair.
Many of you followed Matt & Molly's journey to adopt Waverley. Many of you have asked for updates. I have had some contact with Molly recently. They are surviving, but are struggling with the impending date of June 28th. Please keep them in your prayers as they tread through these new and unknown waters... surviving meaningful milestones while their daughter celebrates them without them.
As unfair as it seems, on June 25th, I will dress my own girls in fancy dresses. I will fix their hair with hair bows. And I will celebrate their milestones with them, taking pictures of these special events.
But I will do it with a reverence and appreciation that is so easily lost in the busy moments of life. I will savor the moments a little more than normal, knowing that life is unexpected.
And often, unfair.
*****
As unfair as it seems, on June 25th, I will dress my own girls in fancy dresses. I will fix their hair with hair bows. And I will celebrate their milestones with them, taking pictures of these special events.
But I will do it with a reverence and appreciation that is so easily lost in the busy moments of life. I will savor the moments a little more than normal, knowing that life is unexpected.
And often, unfair.
*****
Thank you for praying for my friends this week.
