Living Out Loud

Not What I Planned

2012-02-19T23:37:00.003-06:00

I have spent the better part of the past 6 weeks in a frenzy of organzing projects.

I have cleaned and reorganized my pantry, laundry room, kids' bathroom, hall closets, and storage rooms. I've purged and purged some more. I've sold clothes and cleaned closets and organized clothing to keep. I've switched kids rooms, had rooms painted, purchased new furniture and hung pictures.

I've made lists, crossed items off of those lists, and then made new lists.

Why?

Partly because I was "nesting" and partly because it's just who I am. I like to have things in order... especially when I know there is change coming. It makes me feel more calm; gives me a false sense of control.

And as the birth of Abby drew closer, I felt more desperate than ever to have things in place. To have a plan. To have control over my life.

Bringing home new babies has not historically gone well for me. And as much as I love having a newborn, most of my memories of newborn babies are associated with stress, lack of sleep, and crying. Lots and lots of crying.

All of my children have had colic. And all of them have had horrible sleep problems as a result. Colilc is the unexplainable, incurable, untreatable, medical mystery that plagues infants for months and months on end. And for anyone who has experienced it, you know that it not only plagues the babies, but the parents as well. The endless crying is not limited to the infant. As the parent, your inability to soothe and comfort your baby often drives you to the point of desperation.... tears upon tears.

So when I think of bringing home a newborn miracle, I can't help but think of heartbeat CD's, chiropractic treatments, vacuum cleaner white noise, hours upon hours of painful crying, walking around the house in the wee hours of the night, shhhing, swaddling, bouncing, doctor appointments, inclined beds, acid reflux medications, dietary changes, and desperation. Lots of desperation.

And that makes me feel completely out of control. A feeling I don't handle well.

So in the back recesses of my hormonal mind, I think I thought if I could control every other thing in my life, perhaps I could survive another bout with a colicky baby. Without being completely aware of it, I was trying to plan for it; control it.

And so I made lists; planned for Abby to arrive into my controlled, planned environment.

Only it didn't happen that way.

Instead of going in for a scheduled, planned induction on Friday, February, 17th, I went to the hospital on Wednesday night, February 16th. I spent all of Wednesday battling a stomach bug that not only left me dehydrated with contractions; I wasn't able to complete my very long list of items to be accomplished on Wednesday & Thursday in anticipation of Abby's birth.

And so I went to the hospital...

with many uncrossed items on my lists;
without a packed bag for myself or the baby;
without taking a "night before" picture of my belly as I had done with all of my other kids;
without a back up camera battery;
wearing pajamas and no make up;
feeling completely and desperately out of control.

Today is Sunday, February 19th and I'm still sitting in a hospital bed at Wesley.

I feel like screaming....

This is NOT What I planned!

Abby was born on Thursday... the morning after I came, unprepared, to the hospital. No one made it to her birth. We don't have a single picture of me holidng her right after she was born.

Not What I Planned.

The kids didn't get to come to meet her on Thursday, wearing the special shirts I had made for the special occasion of meeting their new baby sister. Instead, Noah came home from school and began vomiting. Later that night, Emily and Molly got to come to meet their sister. Molly kissed the baby on the head, held her, and then went home and threw up.

Not What I Planned.

We didn't go home on Friday.

Not What I Planned.

Intead we went home on Saturday at 4:00 pm. I took a shower; eager to take the scrapbook worthy "going home picture" of Abby in her new outfit. I got her dressed and posed. Vance held up the camera and the battery instantly died. So we have no "going home" pictures of our 4th child.

Not What I Planned.

We finally made it home on Saturday evening. The kids were so excited. We had a nice dinner and Abby slept comfortably in her new inclined "Nap Nanny" that I purchased in anticipation of needing an inclined bed.

And then I fed her. She threw it up. I fed her again. She threw it up. She cried. And cried. And cried. She was in pain; obvious terrible pain in her stomach. We did not sleep a wink. We consulted with after hours doctors, took rectal temperatures, and ultimately found ourselves driving BACK to the Wesley ER 12 hours after we left.

Not What I Planned.

We had to wait for two hours in the main Wesley ER. It was awful. As we were checking in, a young girl came in with a horizontal cut across her neck. No kidding... as if someone had tried to slit her throat. Spending time in that ER was an eye opener to a whole other world that we are fortunate not to have to witness very often.

When we finally got to a "bay" in the awful ER, they told me they would have to do bloodwork, an Xray, an Ultrasound, and start an IV... in her head.

Not What I Planned.

We were admitted for continued observation with no plan for dismissal. Tonight marks the fifth night I have slept in a hospital bed. Slept being a very relative term as my total hours of sleep since Abby was born approximates less than 10 hours.

Not What I Planned.

I have been ordered to stop breastfeeding and give formula for the next feedings to see if makes a difference in Abby's stomach pain. I'm engorged, sad, and irritated that my "perfect nutrition" could potentially be causing her misery. So I'm pumping and saving, but still hoping that I won't have to cease nursing her.

Not What I Planned.

No one knows what is wrong. Doctors say it's too early for it to be colic. They say newborns shouldn't cry out in terrible gas pain at 2 and 3 days of age. They've never seen a newborn cry in such pain for no reason. But they don't know what I have lived.

And so we are still here; hoping she will improve and desperately hoping that we are not destined for the same months of misery and desperation that we have had with the past children.

As I said, I feel like screaming...

This is NOT What I Planned!

BUT...

I am sitting here therapeutically writing this in a place that I have been fortunate enough to have never been before... a pediatric floor in a hospital.

As I type, there is a little girl circling the floor on a tricycle wearing her pink PJ's. She is singing as she rides in circles on the floor of a hospital... she is not outside as many other children are on this gorgeous day. But she's still singing and smiling.

And there is a little boy next door who is a playing a make believe drum. He has no hair. His room has been occupied for quite some time as is evident by the play space that has been set up inside the tiny square space. There are other children in his room playing Nintendo. They are not outside playing tag or basketball like many other children their age are on this Spring like day. But he is still playing his drum and laughing.

So as much as I want to scream and cry and pout about my life not going like I had planned, all I have to do is look outside my door to realize that my "unplanned" situation is virtually nothing compared to the "unplanned" situations many other parents and children face.

I can't even imagine how badly they want to scream...

This is NOT What I Planned!

And so I'm doing my best to learn from this unplanned situation.

I fear change. I fear being out of control. I fear the unknown. I fear... a lot.

But I cannot control my life... no matter how many lists I make or rooms I organize.

My life and the lives of my children are in the hands of the One who gave us life. And He does not want me to fear. He does not want me to worry. Or have anxiety. And most importantly, He does not want me to hold fast to my own plans. Or wallow in selfishness.

He wants me to let go; to rely fully and totally on Him. To trust. Not my plan, but His.

And so tonight, even though I feel sad about some of the things that are happening in my life; I'm much more sad for the others I know (and those that I don't) whose "This is Not What I Planned" is so, so much more difficult than mine.

And if I have to give up dairy again, then I will. It is a minor sacrifice.

And if I have to go through months and months of sleepless nights again, then I will try to remember those who have sleepless nights in a hospital while I am awake.

And if I don't have the right pictures of Abby's birth, it's okay. Because at least I have Abby.

And if I have to abandon my breastfeeding, then I will do it. I'll cry about it, but if it has to be done, then I can do it. Some parents never have the opportunity to even try.

And if Abby has to have an IV in her head for a short period of time, I can handle it. There are some children who have permanent IV's for much scarier reasons.

I've cried lots of tears today. They started out as tears for myself... because this is Not What I Planned. But tonight, the tears have turned to tears of gratefulness.

My eyes have been opened today to my selfish nature and self-centeredness. I know I have a right and an instinct to be worried and concerned for my baby. And tears for those reasons are okay. But all of the other things I've pouted about... pictures, unfinished projects, lack of sleep... well, those things just really don't matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

And so this is Not What I Planned.

And that's okay. It will be okay.

FOUR

2012-02-17T23:34:00.002-06:00

On Thursday afternoon, at 12:10 pm,

Abby Grace joined our family.

She weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces,

was 19 1/2 inches long,

has dark, dark brown hair,

and is perfect in every way.

We were lucky and blessed to have THREE...

But we are even luckier to be blessed with FOUR!

FOUR to love,

FOUR to worry about,

FOUR to laugh with,

FOUR to teach,

FOUR to be frustrated by,

FOUR to hug,

FOUR to guide,
FOUR to discipline,

FOUR to encourage,

FOUR to play with,

FOUR to cherish.

FOUR blessings.

Welcome to our family Number FOUR!

Love * 5

2012-02-16T17:51:00.001-06:00

Valentine's Day 2012

Celebrating Love * 5

{Kids' Valentines for Classmates}

They both did the majority of the assembly by themselves!

{Teacher Valentine Gifts}

For the teachers, I traced the kids' hands and cut them out. They decorated both sides of the hands with crayons and stickers.

Noah wrote his own message and I helped Emily write hers. In between the cut out hands was a tube of "pink petals" hand cream!

{Emily dressed with a HEART}

Emily was BEYOND excited to go to school! She kept holding her Valentine saying... "I dig you, Emily"! She could not wait to hand out her special Valentines... especially to her teacher, Miss Brenda!

{Noah's Valentine Party at School}

The 1st graders played a "Guess Who I Am" game. Noah had the hardest one... Michelle Obama! I was proud of him when he was told that his person "lived in the White House", he immediately said "Barak Obama"! He had no idea who Michelle was, but at least he knew who the President of the USA is!

{2nd Annual "Labor of Love" Valentine Dinner}

I started this tradition last year and even though I didn't do all of the wonderful activities throughout February like I did last year, I was bound and determined to make sure that I treated my family to a fancy dinner to celebrate our love... for the last time as a Family of FIVE! In a matter of days, our love will expand once again as our family grows to SIX!

{On the Menu}

Bread Crumb Baked Chicken

Mashed Potatoes

Noodles

Fruit Salad

Chocolate Cake Pops

{Dinner by Candlelight)

The kids were pretty fascinated by the candlelight! After Emily and Molly finally ceased blowing out the candles, we enjoyed dinner by candlelight.

Before we ate, we said our meal prayer and then went around the table telling each family member what we loved about them.

NOAH

loves that Emily is nice and shares...

loves that Molly is sweet...

loves that Daddy has a good job...

loves that I spend time with them.

EMILY

loves that Noah has toys...

loves that Molly plays babies...

loves that Daddy goes to work...

loves that I stay home with them.

{Dessert - YUM}

Everyone ate a good dinner (including Emily after making a quick trip to the "time out" chair)and so we finished our "fancy dinner" with chocolate Valentine cake pops! Noah and Molly both devoured two immediately!

{Valentine Gifts}

I always got a little gift from my parents on Valentine's Day and so I have continued that tradition with my children too.

NOAH - Coloring Book, 2 Junie B. Jones Books, "HEARTS" card game

EMILY - Dress the Ballerina Sticker Book, Princess paint book, "GO FISH" cards

MOLLY - Pink Sock Monkey, Count the Hearts Book, Colors & Shapes Cards

It was our last Valentine's Day as a Family of FIVE and it was a sweet

Furniture for Sale

2012-02-09T14:05:00.001-06:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

The Last Time

2012-02-06T19:54:00.003-06:00

After a month of insane "nesting", I have been laying down, on my left side, for the past 48 hours. My pregnant body has finally given out on me and I've been forced to stop all of my incessant projects.

As I lay here, with lists of unfinished projects flashing through my mind, I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Overwhelmed for a variety of reasons...

because I have so many uncrossed off items on my "to do" lists....
because my hormones are raging and crying just seems to be a natural side effect....
because I'm in excruciating pain; worse than giving birth kind of pain....
because all of my plans to prepare for baby have been interrupted...

But also because the down time is forcing me to think about the impending birth of my daughter. And whether or not it will be the last time...

the last time I feel the movements of a tiny miracle inside of me
the last time I wash up tiny pink gowns and sleepers in anticipation of the sweet baby who will soon wear them
the last time I prepare a diaper bag
the last time I dress up a baby crib with sweet baby bedding
the last time I purchase itty bitty diapers
the last time I see the excitement of my older children as they kiss my big tummy
the last time I think about baby names
the last time I feel the "nesting" instinct and the excited anxiety that comes with welcoming a new baby
the last time...

I can't believe that nine months have passed and that the time is almost here. In all honesty, the past nine months have been hard. Very hard. Physically and emotionally.

From a physical standpoint, there are many reasons I am happy to be nearing the end of this journey. As Vance said to me a week or so ago, my body "just isn't made" for having lots of babies. My body doesn't handle the physical stress very well. And this fourth go around has proved to be tougher, much tougher, than ever before. Even as I type, I'm dealing with an extremely painful side effect of pregnancy that has not plagued me in the past. One that has forced me to pray over whether or not I will have surgery in the coming days... at 38 1/2 weeks gestation.

And there have been emotional challenges as well. I won't detail them, but this pregnancy has taken its emotional toil not only on me, but on the other members of my immediate and extended family as well.

So given all of the "challenges" (although they still pale in comparison to what others have to deal with; which makes me feel guilty for even calling them challenges...) that having a fourth baby has presented to my family, it seems logical and reasonable that I would be able to definitively say with confidence that this will be the last time.

That this is our fourth and final child.

But I can't do it.

I won't do it!

As I've busied myself amidst a mirage of insane "nesting" projects in the past few weeks, I've been reminded over and over how quickly time passes and that babies don't last long...

I cried when I packed up the Thomas the Train set and placed it high up on a closet shelf; saving it to be handed on to my grandchildren one day.

I cried when I took these pictures...

It was the last night that Noah slept in his upstairs room. I remember, like it was yesterday, taking the picture on the very first night he slept in this room; days before Emily made her way into the world. And now it is repainted, with different furniture, awaiting another new sibling. And Noah sleeps in a different room... a bigger one for my much bigger boy.

I cried when I opened up these...

Nearly seven years of clothing that I carefully selected and dressed my firstborn in. As I pulled out outfit after outfit, I could vividly remember Noah wearing these clothes; what we did while he wore them; how "easy" and carefree those days seemed in comparison to the chaotic days of today. And although the clothes had to go and they all went to lovely friends, it still saddened me to think that one of my children would not wear these clothes again.

I cried as I typed all of those words; just thinking about it all!

Now I could blame all of these emotions on crazy pregnancy hormones. And I'm sure that hormones do play a part in my heightened emotion. But I can not, and will not, blame pregnancy insanity for 100% of my emotion and unwillingness to declare this to be the last time.

As I've mentioned before, my heart changed when we embraced the historic and unwavering teaching of the Catholic Church on artificial contraception and sterilization. I've shared my stories about embracing Natural Family Planning here and here and here.

It is that "heart change" that leads to my emotion over whether or not this will be the last time. The more I've embraced a general openness to life, the more my heart has opened towards the number of children I would like. And the harder it has become to be definitive and final in thinking about the size of my family.

It has been a shift in thought for me; a letting go of the selfishness and society norms and an acceptance of the transformation that so-called challenges can bring (as expressed here). I don't know exactly how to put it into words. Natural Family Planning changes your heart. It just does.

So in my frenzied and heightened state of emotion, I am more grateful than ever before for the Church's teaching. For without it, I might be inclined to make a rash decision I might one day regret. I might actually believe myself when I tell myself that I can't possibly do this again... that it has to be the last time.

Even though, at this moment, I feel like this should and might very well be the last time, I have great peace in knowing that a decision of that magnitude is not mine alone to make. It brings me great comfort to know that even though Vance and I may feel like our family is complete with four children, should God have other plans for us, we will trust and embrace those plans. Because He knows best. And we have not, and will not, do anything to artificially remove Him from planning our family.

So as I continue to lay here in bed, I am intentionally holding on to the voracious and miraculous movements in my belly with a little more focus than I have in the past. Because I know that it might be the last time I feel the specialness of them.

But then again, it might not.

And that is all I need to know to calm my emotional, anxious, and overwhelmed heart!

Four

2012-01-03T23:42:00.001-06:00

It's beyond hard for me to believe that my firstborn baby girl is now FOUR! I so clearly remember the exact moment I was told I was going to be a mother to a baby GIRL... I was so stunned that I actually grabbed the arm of the sonogram technician and asked her to be extra sure that it really was, in fact, a GIRL! I left the sonogram and drove straight to a local baby boutique and bought 2 new pink outfits! I could not contain my excitement.

I had always dreamed about having a daughter of my own. I loved being a mother to a boy; but I still had dreams of sharing that special mother daughter bond too. And Emily has fulfilled so many of those dreams in the four short years that she has blessed my life.

She and I seem to share many loves...

She loves to dress up in fancy clothes;
She loves to have painted nails;
She loves for me to fix her hair;
She asks me "which shoes should I wear" every time she gets dressed;
She loves to dance and wear tutu's;
She loves to help me clean;
And she loves sweets!

She can be so charming and absolutely delightful. She can dance and sing around the house as though she is the happiest child in the world. She plays make believe and reads to herself and colors me pictures and shares her toys lovingly with her little sister. Her belly laugh and silly giggle can make me smile and laugh even when I am feeling down. She has a sparkle in her eye and a sweet little grin that makes my own heart leap.

And she can also be downright horrible and frustrating beyond all measure. In addition to inheriting her mama's love for all things girly, she has also inherited her mama's stubbornness and quick temper. She can melt into a puddle of tears at the slightest bit of disappointment. She can stomp and huff and puff and slam doors when she hears the word "no". She can throw daggers with her words when she says things like "you a bad mommy and I not gonna talk to you ever again!"

She is either adorable or horrible!

And I love it... because it is her!

As up and down as her behavior can be, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when we have the rare opportunity to spend time with her by herself, she will be absolutely delightful! And rare though they are, I absolutely adore my one on one time with my eldest girl. So on her birthday, a mere 2 days before Christmas, her Daddy and I took her out for a special day of lunch, shopping, and beautifying... just the three of us! And it was blissful!

To end the special day, we had a family dinner followed by cupcakes!

I simply can't believe how quickly FOUR years has passed. I sometimes see glimpses of her as a teenager... both the adorable, special times (shopping for prom dresses) and the horrible, frustrating times (back talking and eye rolling). It makes me want to stop time and just cherish the stage of life she is in now. Because even though she can sometimes be horrible, most of the time, she is downright adorable!

And she is mine.

And I am so grateful, so blessed, so happy to have her in my life.

I Love You...

my FOUR year old baby girl!

Lessons from the Manger

2012-01-01T20:29:00.000-06:00

Even though the 12 days of Christmas is not over yet, I took down my Christmas decorations tonight anyway. The kids were sad. And I felt guilty doing it. But I'm tired, pregnant, nesting, and quite frankly, I need my husbands's help! So I did while I had him here.

I have to confess that I had been feeling like Christmas was a bit of a let down this year.

There was so much that I wanted to do. Planned to do. But just didn't get done.

We soared pretty well through the first few weeks of Advent.

We placed lots of Thankful Tags on our Tree.

We kept up with our daily Advent Activity countdown.

But by the third week of Advent, things started to get much more chaotic. We only lit three candles on our wreath twice that week. Which means we only sat down to eat together twice that week.

We got behind on our Advent activities. Way behind.

And then I got sick. Really sick. The entire week before Christmas, I barely left my bed.

So as a result, the fourth week of Advent was an epic fail.

As were all of my carefully scheduled and planned "family fun" events and Advent activities...

We didn't make it to confession.
There was no driving through town to look at lights.
No Botanica Illuminations.
I only made it through 2 1/2 weeks of my Advent devotional.
I forgot to get candles for Emily's birthday and as a result, she had to blow out a #3 candle.
We didn't have Family Movie Night to watch The Little Drummer Boy.
The last pages of the Advent coloring book remain uncolored.
I forgot to send Noah's Mission Box back to school.
Heck! I even forgot to send a snack on his assigned snack day!
We didn't have a visit from Santa this year.
Or draw pictures of our blessings.
Our "gifts of love" weren't made until the day before Christmas.
There was no cookie baking or decorating cookies for Santa.
My packages weren't wrapped until the wee hours of the morning on Dec. 23rd.
We didn't have our Advent Table Discussion.
The white candle didn't get lit.

Instead, the last few weeks and days of Advent were spent running.
Rushing.
Stressing.
Playing catch up.

We didn't just "be"
Relax.
Play.
Soak in the magic of the season.

I often put pressure on myself to create traditions and make special memories with my children. It's a good intention, but in my quest for a Norman Rockwell holiday, I often get too caught up in it all. It's a "can't see the forrest because of the trees" type of thing. And this year, it seemed like I did worse than ever. Or I took it harder than usual when things didn't go as planned.

But as I packed up our nativity tonight and glued the broken wise man back together, I was struck by something as I wrapped up the baby Jesus lying in the manger. I was struck by the fact that I was completely missing the mark with my feelings of disappointment over all the "things" I didn't get done during Advent and Christmas. I was missing the mark; according to my own words.

You see, on the 3rd Sunday of Advent, our church has a tradition of bringing our nativity baby Jesus to church for a blessing ceremony. It's called "Bless the Baby Jesus" and it's designed to be an opportunity to disengage from the chaos and secularism of the holiday season and focus on the real "star" of Christmas. We bring charitable gifts of "swaddling clothes" to be donated to local charities, we sing carols, we read children's stories, enjoy seasonal treats, and we discuss the history of the nativity.

And this year, I was the one who spoke about the history of the manger scene. I told those who gathered about how the tradition began... over 788 years ago in Greccio, Italy when Saint Francis chose to set up a living rendition of the night of Christ's birth when he celebrated midnight Mass that year.

After giving the details of the history of the nativity, I closed by saying this...

"...it’s important that we stay mindful of what the tradition ofdisplaying a Nativity teaches us; what itreminds us of. We are over2000 years removed from that first Christmas and the Christmas of today looksvery different than that very first Christmas.

It’s sometimes hard for us to remember that on that firstChristmas, there were not any Christmas trees with twinkling lights and shinyornaments. There weren’t any yummyhome baked goodies or warm mugs of hot chocolate. There weren’t beautifully wrapped packages waiting to beopened or Christmas carols being sung.

In fact, there wasn’t even the most necessary of things fora baby to be born… no bed, no heat, no visitors. The Bible tells us that there was only a simple stable thathoused animals and a manger from which those animals ate.

It was the simplest and humblest of places for which a Kingto be born. And that is what St.Francis wanted to remind the people about on that Christmas Eve 788 years agowhen he set up the first Nativity. He wanted to remind them that Jesus loved us so much that he humbledhimself to be born into complete and total poverty. He could have chosen any possible way to Incarnatehimself. He could have come as anadult in fancy robes with a crown atop his head announcing his Kingship. But he didn’t. He chose to come to us as a simplebaby. In a simple stable. In a simple manger. It was his love for us and his desirefor us to love him in return that was displayed amidst those simpleaccommodations.

Andthat is what the image of the Nativity should remind us of. It is easy to get overwhelmed with thehustle and bustle and the extravagance of today’s Christmas celebrations. I’m guilty of it myself. A couple of Sunday’s ago, I admit(embarrassing as it is) that I was yelling at my outdoor Christmas lights!

There are lots of things that make this time of yearspecial, but it is the simplest of things; not the outdoor Christmas lights or any of the other fun holiday activities,that make it the most special.

The simplicity of a newborn baby laying in a wooden mangeris what Christmas is really about. So when you feel overwhelmed with too much to do, take a look at yoursimple Nativity and remind yourself of what it means. That the greatest gift you ever received was born intoextremely simple and humble circumstances.

And think about the lessons you can learn; just by looking at the simple manger:

Jesus was born to die so that we might live. Jesuswho, at His birth, was laid in a wooden manger; was born to die. And just as He was laid in wood at his birth, He would also be laid on awooden cross at his death.

The white swaddling clothes that He waswrapped in at His birth would eventually be replaced by a white shroud that waswrapped around Him as he was placed in the tomb. He was born in a strangers stable, laid on wood, and wrappedin swaddling clothes. And at Hisdeath, He was placed on a wooden cross, wrapped in a white garment, and buried ina strangers tomb.

He was also born to be our food. Did you know that the word Bethlehem means “House of Bread”. And that the word manger literally means“place where animals eat”. So He was born and laid in a place where animals eat… symbolizing that He himself is the Bread of Life that would eventually become food for all of usto eat in the Eucharist.

And just as the glorious star that shone over the stable thenight of the first Christmas tells us, He was born to be the Light of theWorld.  Without Him and His gift of self, there would be no hope, no peace, and no JOY!  He was born to be our hope... our Light of the World."

I should have taken my own advice more over these past few weeks!

My disappointment with the season was in the extravagance of Christmas. In the lights, baking, ornament painting... the "things" of Christmas.

So as I packed away my simple manger tonight, I thought of these words of advice and truth that I offered to others several weeks ago. And I felt my disappointment lift. Because even though everything didn't go as I would have ideally liked it to go, it doesn't change the lessons from the manger.

And my kids... they know those lessons. Or at least they are learning them.

And that is more important than any drive around town to look at Christmas lights will ever be!

Scenes from the Season {2011}

2011-12-29T20:45:00.003-06:00

{picking the christmas tree}

{advent activity table}

{advent bible memory verses...
we are still working on these!}

{hearth room candy mantel}

{pictures colored & left for st. nicholas}

{celebrating the feast of saint nicholas...
a shoe tradition}

{special socks & a movie

delivered on st. nick's day by our church friends}

{flocked, lit, and decorated}

{kid stockings & handmade
ornaments made by the children
displayed in the kitchen}

{christmas reading}

{celebrating the feast of the Immaculate Conception with ornament painting after Mass}

{father dan blessing our "baby jesus'"}

{making an offering of "swaddling clothes"
to be given to local charities}

{special snacks after the Baby Jesus Blessing}

{enjoying christmas yummies with church friends}

{gingerbread man decorating
with uncle brycie and toi}

{matching dancing sisters at
WCT production of The Gingerbread Man}

{a surprise visit with Santa after the play}

{advent week-by-week coloring pages}

{light one candle for...
hope, peace, JOY}

{wise men still seek him}

{outdoor decor}

{o come let us adore Him...
Christmas Eve Mass}

{celebrating the reason for the season}

{christmas eve cuties}

{reading books by the light of the christmas tree at church on christmas eve}

{making "gifts of love" for special relatives}

{handprint snowmen made with love}

{christmas eve dinner table}

{special time with great grandparents}

{first gifts of the night...
stocked art desks for each other}

{he found the pickle on nonny's tree...
he opens the first gift!}

{hand made quilts made for snuggling from toi}

{happy to have super mario brothers}

{sweet seats for the girls}

{preparing the reindeer food}

{outdoor snacks for santa's reindeer}

{the stockings were laid...}

{twas the night before christmas...}

{a late night dance to feliz navidad}

{spoiled silly by santa... again!}

{proof that santa came}

{delivered... 1 hair salon and lots of beauty supplies}

{delivered... 1 Nintendo Dsi and several games}

{sleepy baby isn't sure what to think}

{wow! more stockings}

{HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!
... and she gave birth to a son. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and placed him in a manger..."}

{christmas day dinner table...
each star tells part of the christmas story as written in the 2nd chapter of luke}

*****

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.”

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

May your days be sparkling, bright, and filled with the SWEETNESS that the real meaning of Christmas brings...

hope, peace, JOY, and love!

Dance and Twirl with the Birthday Girl

2011-12-29T00:18:00.005-06:00

I did something that goes completely against my nature when it comes to birthday parties...

I held Emily's 4th birthday party somewhere other than my house!

This is something I've never done before and quite frankly, swore I'd try never to do. Planning home birthday parties, the old fashioned way, is something I really love. I love playing traditional party games and decorating for the party with a fun theme. I like the specialness of a home birthday party. I really do.

But this year, I just couldn't do it! The combination of Christmas and me being 7 months pregnant left me searching for a way to give Emily a special party without making myself nuts!

Because she wanted to have a ballet birthday, it worked out perfectly that her dance studio holds birthday parties. And so it was... we held a "Dance and Twirl with the Birthday Girl" party at Emily's little dance studio.

Because I couldn't completely let go, I opted to decorate my own dessert table instead of letting the dance studio handle everything. Yes, I'm Type A!

It wasn't much, but I was able to manage to print some sweet personalized printables, make a cute little tutu to go around the bottom of the cupcake stands, and create a tutu inspired bouquet of flowers for the dessert table. I found cute personalized place mats for each girl that adorned the party table; along with some additional tutu poms.

And although I initially felt an enormous amount of "mom guilt" over not "doing enough" for my 4 year old birthday ballerina, the party was a big hit and all the girls had a fabulous time!

They did a craft...

Played lots of traditional party games...

Ate cupcakes and cake pops...

And for the grand finale, they learned a little dance routine to "Somewhere over the Rainbow"...

Here is their grand finale pose. The whole thing was just downright precious!

At the end of the party, the birthday ballerina gave her friends hugs and handed out the party favors.

Emily enjoyed every last second of the day and couldn't have been a happier FOUR year old!

And I learned something too... letting other people help and holding a birthday party outside of my home doesn't make it any less special. In fact, I enjoyed the day so much that I might just give up my stronghold on hosting home birthday parties altogether.

Maybe!

Happy Birthday to my Beautiful Ballerina!

*****

And just for fun, I had to post a few pics of the little ballerina sister who thought she was one of the big girls too!

Dream Come True

2011-12-19T01:37:00.002-06:00

Today I had one of those rare moments when the chaos of life stood still and I actually felt the magic of the moment. I sat in the audience of an auditorium in which I had danced on stage many times before, holding my own sweet little girl in my lap. As the familiar music to the overture began and the lights dimmed, I paused to look at her curls that swept the nape of her neck and the big red bow that adorned the side of her head. And that is when time stood still for a tiny moment and I thought to myself...

this is my Dream Come True!

Today is the day that I took Emily Kate to see the Nutcracker for the very first time!

Just me and her. We walked hand in hand into the theatre, dressed in our green Christmas dresses, and took our seats close to the stage.

I danced in this very same Nutcracker production as a child many times and despite the familiarity of it, I enjoyed it today as if it were the first time I'd ever seen it. Because I was enjoying it with her. My sweet little girl who seems to have a love for dance like her mama did at a young age.

She sat still, mesmerized, for the entire performance. Her favorite part... the Gingerbread cookies, of course! She particularly liked their "cute feet". She clapped. She ooohhed. I even heard an audible "wow" when the Sugarplum Fairy soared high above the Prince's head. Her only question was whether or not the Snowflakes were cold as they danced in the snow.

She was delightful.

It was delightful.

The entire thing was just magical. So fun. So special.

It was...

She is...

My Dream Come True!

And when we got home, she got to open a few of her special Birthday presents which delighted her (and me!) even more...

She realizes what it is...

Her first "big Nutcracker"!
She had begged me to buy one at the performance and so she was thrilled to get one after my previous denials.

Her "Sugarplum Fairy" outfit!

Feliz Navidad!

2011-12-12T16:45:00.000-06:00

I thought this was funny... Noah's teacher caught the boys on camera singing during their indoor recess today while the girls were doing something elsewhere. Pretty cute!

It appears I'm the only mom who opts for the sweater vest at school :)

Farewell, Fun Fall

2011-12-08T15:01:00.000-06:00

It's ~~coming~~ here. I can feel it in the air.

The wind has picked up. The temperatures have dropped. And ~~yesterday~~ the day before I started writing this post, we even witnessed a few snowflakes. And there was a light covering of snow this morning.

Fall ~~is coming~~ has come to an end, and Winter is has usher~~ing~~ed itself in.

I always feel like Fall is the shortest of all the seasons. Maybe it's because it is my favorite of all the seasons that it seems to come and go so quickly. Or maybe its because Winter is my least favorite season? Anyway, I love all that Fall has to offer... pumpkins, mums, outdoor activities, leaves, light jackets, family fun.

But now it has come to an end. And as I looked back through the images from the Fall of 2011, I realized it was one of my favorites yet.

So farewell, fun Fall.

Hello, Winter.

Fall 2011 Highlights

{Family Fall Fest}
We hosted some families from our church for a night of family fun. We played Halloween games and grilled hamburgers and hot dogs outside. After the wind picked up and the sun went down, we came inside to paint and decorate pumpkins! I was proud of myself... I allowed children to have a free for all with Modge Podge!

{Family Weekend in Kansas City}
After feeling miserable for so many months (and canceling our Fall vacation to DisneyWorld), we decided a weekend getaway to KC would do us all some good. We kicked off the weekend with a trip to the Plaza for dinner. The kids had fun looking at all of the fountains and we ended the fun evening by taking a horse drawn carriage ride... in Cinderella's carriage, of course!

{A Day of Family Fun & Pumpkin Picking}

We spent the day at the Deanna Rose Children's Farm in Kansas City. It was our 2nd annual trip and we loved it every bit as much as we did last year. Except for the fact that Molly was sick. We spent an entire day doing all kinds of fun things culminating in picking out our perfect pumpkins from the patch!

{Annual Family KU Football Game}
Although Vance and Noah attend nearly all of the KU home football games together, the girls and I usually only accompany them once a season. I always LOVE being in Lawrence on a gorgeous Fall day and this year did not disappoint. And I always need an excuse to dress the girls in their cute KU clothes :)

An Empty Seat & An Invitation to Pray

2011-12-01T23:22:00.001-06:00

Vance was running late from work tonight and we had to start dinner without him in order to get to a Basketball game on time. Both kids asked multiple times about the whereabouts of their Daddy. There was an empty seat at our little table tonight. Emily even proclaimed that it was "so sad that Daddy was not sitting in his seat".

Both of their reactions struck me for a couple of reasons.

First, it shows me how much they enjoy and even crave the time we spend together as a family at the dinner table. So as hard as it is for me to make family meals, I continue to realize how important it is. And so I press on in the meal making department.

But secondly, and more importantly, I felt an overwhelming gratitude and peace in knowing that we would only temporarily have an empty seat at our table. Tomorrow night, it will be filled again.

Not everyone has that peace.

During this special time of the year, there are people everywhere who have to cope with the fact that they permanently have an empty seat at their table. It will not be filled again. Not tomorrow. Not next week. And not on Christmas. All over, there will be empty toddler seats, empty adult seats, and even empty infant seats. It is a painful reality that, truthfully, is almost too much for me to think about.

But I am thinking about it. In fact, I can't get it out of my mind.

I'm thinking about friends who will be celebrating the holidays for the first time this year with an empty seat at their table. The "most wonderful time of the year" will likely be the most difficult time of the year for these friends.

And so I've decided to pray for them in a concentrated and special way for the remainder of the week. I will be offering all of my daily Masses this week for these special friends. I know they need extra grace this year; especially now as they prepare for, and anticipate celebrating Christmas with an empty seat at their table.

And I invite you to join me. If you feel inclined to pray, please leave a comment indicating that you will be making a concentrated prayer effort for these families this week. And if you know of another family who will have an empty seat at the table this year, please include their name in the comment section so we can add them to our concentrated prayers.

I have three families that weigh heavy on my heart whom I will be praying for this week...

Matt & Molly and Suzie & JR will both have an empty toddler seat at their Christmas tables.

Please pray that they find peace and hope amidst their heartaches this season. Matt and Molly's story can be found at www.wavybel.blogspot.com. Suzie & JR's story can be found at www.lindsaysheart.blogspot.com.

The third family does not yet have an empty seat, but they live with the painful reality that it could be empty in the near future. Their precious little girl is unable to sit in her chair... her little body simply can't support its own weight anymore. They live in hope for a miracle healing, but are also experiencing the fear that accompanies not knowing how many more Christmas' they might have her at their table. Amy and her family's story can be found at www.livianasjourney.blogspot.com.

As heartbreaking as it is to think about these friends and their situations, I am encouraged as I remember that the specialness of this season is not about the baked goods, lights, decorations, carols, parties, or even the family celebratory meals. It's really about the hope that we can all have in knowing that one day, in eternity, there will be no empty seats at the table!

Thank you for considering this invitation to pray. For these families and for any others you would like to include.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday {on Thursday}

2011-12-01T16:22:00.001-06:00

Just in case you didn't already know...

The boys had a chance to even the score, but is looks as if the girls will be taking the lead... again!

Little Things {Husband Edition}

2011-11-29T01:10:00.001-06:00

My husband's travel schedule has increased exponentially since the summer. I'm not used to it. It's hard when he is gone. I'm short a set of hands in the evening. I don't like it.

I miss him when he is gone. I should tell him this more often. And I will.

I also miss the little things that he does day in and day out... the things he does to take care of his family. To take care of me. To make my life easier.

I miss the little things that he does after he comes home, exhausted, from a job that seems to get more stressful every day. He's selfless with these little acts and I'm especially aware of a few of those little things tonight.

I should tell him that I appreciate these little things more often. And I will.

The little things like...

~ Take out the trash, replace the trash bags, and prepare it for the trash pick up.
~ Feed our dog and give her her medication at night.
~ Give the kids a bath, lotion them up, and get them in their PJ's.
~ Bring me my nightly bottle of water from the basement before bed.
~ Start the dishwasher before bed.
~ Make sure the house is secured and the alarm is set.
~ Get up in the middle of the night when Molly wakes.
~ Wake Noah for school, make his lunch, and drive him to school.

Those are just a few of the little things that I take for granted each and every night.

I appreciate these little things.

And I miss ~~them~~ him when he is gone.

I Want to Remember...

2011-11-28T00:00:00.000-06:00

Molly's nighttime routine. I rock her before she goes down for nap or bedtime and after she drinks her bottle, she looks at me with big eyes, takes her right hand and points to her bed, and says "Be" (for bed). I ask her if she wants to go to her bed and she nods her head affirmatively, while saying "Uh HUH!" with such spirited and empathic expression!

The way Emily talks. She mispronounces so many letters and has yet to master the proper use of pronouns; as in "her talks so silly"! She puts an "ez" sound at the end of any plural word; as in "Bath-ez" for "Baths". And her tone... it is so sweet, loud, and at times, just plain funny!

Noah's sweet spirit and developing faith. He asked me yesterday if we could start going to Mass everyday... as a family. He sometimes prays his rosary in his bed. And he dumped his entire piggy bank into a Dillons plastic bag several weeks ago to "donate" to church.

The way it feels to have a baby kicking inside of me.

And those are just a few things I wish

I could bottle up and remember forever!

Not Cut Out for This

2011-11-17T16:31:00.001-06:00

Today is one of those days when I feel like I'm not cut out for this. And by this, I mean being a stay home mom to several small children.

I want to be cut out for it. In fact, being a stay home mom has always been my desire. I dreamed about it long before it ever became a reality.

In my dreams, though, it wasn't this hard!

And I only have 3 kids! Which, by the way, I am terrified of how I am going to handle adding another little one to the current chaos.

I want a large family. I want to be good at handling it all. But like I said, today is one of those days that I feel like maybe I'm not cut out for this.

There is nothing I would rather do. I consider it a privilege and tremendous blessing to be able to spend all day, everyday, with my small children. I realize that it is the time in their life thatI will have the most influence on developing their character. It is a responsibility that I take very seriously. And I want to be good at it.

And on most days, I think I do a decent job. But then there are days, like today, when I feel like I'm just simply not cut out for this.

I lose my patience.
Cry over my lack of sleep.
Obsess over the crumbs and sticky spots in my kitchen.
Loathe the thought of making another meal for my family.
Beg my children to stop "dragging everything out".
Feel like I might lose my mind as I try to calmly deal with Emily's crying outbursts.
Cringe when I see the laundry baskets; piled to the rim... again.
Tell my children that I am too busy to play.
Sigh as I wipe another bottom; change another diaper.
Wish that I had time for myself... to sit, relax, do something I want to do.

And ponder the idea that maybe I'm not cut out for this.

But I know in my heart that it's not true. I am cut out for it because God believes that I am. It is the vocation that He has charged me with. And as hard as it is on some days, I know it is my path to holiness.

About nine months ago, I thought I had it all figured out when I wrote this post. All of those words were true; are true. But keeping a Heavenly and Holy perspective throughout the day to day struggles and monotonous tasks is not something that comes naturally to me. I have to work at it. Constantly work at it.

I have remember to constantly pray for grace.

The grace
To not lose my patience.
To not cry over my lack of sleep, but be disciplined in going to bed when I can.
To let go of crumbs and stickiness.
To think about the good conversation that can result during family mealtime.
To allow my kids to be kids; but then teach them responsibility in cleaning up after themselves.
To grow in the virtue of patience as Emily navigates the hormones and emotions of being three.
To take it one basket at a time; one day at a time.
To stop focusing on the tasks of homemaking so much and nurture the relationships instead.
To remember that their needs are great now, but will diminish as they grow older.

And so even on days that I feel like I'm not cut out for this, I am encouraged to know that I really am... I just have to remember that it's okay to admit that it's hard. Admit it to myself. To my family. To the Internet. Even to God.

It is hard. Some days are harder than others. Like today!

But I am grateful that I have this opportunity; this path to learn to become holy. On days like today, I feel like I'm still at the very beginning of that path. I have so far to go. But at least I'm beginning to recognize that I'm on the path!

So today was one of those days. A day when I felt like I wasn't cut out for this.

But tomorrow...

Tomorrow I will pray for more grace.

Because I am cut out for this!

I am.

Imagination

2011-11-15T17:42:00.000-06:00

Imagination at Play...

Umbrella "Shield"? Check!

Bats & Balls? Check!

Pinwheels? Check!

Blow Up Shark? Check!

Spray Water Bottles? Check!

Rain Boots, Hat, and Mittens? Check!

One more Giant Bat? Check!

Apparently they have everything they need to...

"Hunt a Cat"!

Of course!

Happily Ever After...

2011-11-15T17:26:00.001-06:00

A Bizarre, Funny, Surprising, Interesting Story to tell...

On January 21st of this year, I wrote this post about my single little brother... "Uncle Brycie". I wrote it on a whim, without his knowledge, and linked it up to this "Singles Blog Party". I remember staying up until 2 or 3 am writing the post; pondering just how mad he would be when/if he found out about it, and at the same time, entertaining the very slim possibility that he might actually meet someone as a result of my meddling.

About a week after posting, I called and asked him to come over for the evening. He was immediately suspicious of my invitation and responded by saying... "What did you do? Sign me up on Facebook or something?"

"Not exactly" was my response!

He (reluctantly) came over.
I told him what I did.
He rolled his eyes and heavily sighed.

I asked him to at least look at the post.
He (begrudgingly) read what I wrote.
I told him he seemed to be quite popular based on the number of comments on his post.
He rolled his eyes again.

And then we spent nearly 2 hours, sitting at my kitchen island, looking through the blogs and comments of the girls who had commented as being interested in him.

There were several more eye rolls, a comment from him about this "being awkward", and a lot of encouraging on my part to at least follow up with a few of the girls.

He left my house with a single piece of paper in his hand; it was covered with email addresses and descriptions of interested girls.

But I had little to no hope that he would do anything with it!

After many years of being single, and enduring several broken hearts, I think he had come to a point in his life that he had little to no hope that he would ever meet the right person. Dating, online matchmaking, set-ups... it all seemed hopeless and probably pointless to him.

But...

A few days later, he called to tell me....

He had lost the paper!

The paper we spent hours working on. The one with the names, email addresses, and contact information... that paper!

While this didn't surprise me, I figured it was more than likely his way of putting this whole blog post thing to rest. And so I left it alone and did nothing more.

But...

He did make contact with a few of the girls...

On his own!

He figured out how to get into the comment section of my blog and found a few of the email addresses... on his own!

And pretty quickly, he and one of the girls began to email/text on a fairly regular basis. My brother keeps his personal life pretty personal, but every once in a while, I would ask if he was "still talking with 'blog girl from Kansas City'". He usually responded with a simple, one word answer...

Yes.

And then came March 3rd .

It was the last KU home Basketball game of the season. Vance and Noah drove to Lawrence for the game. Bryce had declined Vance's invitation to join them "because he had to work." So Vance invited a friend from Lawrence to join him in the extra seat. When that friend arrived at the game, he casually mentioned to Vance that he had just seen "your brother-in-law." Vance protested that it couldn't have been Bryce, but his friend said he was 99% sure it was him. So Vance asked who he was with and the response was...

"A girl with brown hair."

With a quick text, Vance confirmed that Bryce was, in fact, at the game....

"On a date." (that was the extent of his texted response!)

His efforts to keep this meeting private (so as to avoid questions from me and my mom!) proved futile... he was caught! And that game marked the 1st official date between "Uncle Brycie" and the "Blog Girl from Kansas City."

The next morning, I couldn't help myself. I had to call him and ask for details. As expected, he didn't offer much; but he did offer that he had had a great time and that "she is really sweet."

From that point forward, he casually mentioned her upon occasion... She had sent him cookies in the mail. He liked that she was low maintenance. She likes to cook. She likes to fish. She is really sweet.

So without him sharing too much, it started to become more obvious that he and "blog girl from kansas City" were spending more and more time together. At one point, I recall him telling me that he thought he "had gotten really lucky this time."

I didn't get an opportunity to meet the mystery "blog girl from Kansas City" until the end of May. But when I did, I could tell that she and my brother had some kind of a special connection. And I learned that she does, in fact, have a name! It is Toi.

Fast forward to Sunday, November 13th...

They got engaged!

For once, my meddling paid off and and my entire family could not be more thrilled!

It is my opinion, though, that all of this was part of a plan orchestrated by the One who is bigger than myself. The blog, my written words, the Singles Party... all of these were simply tools used to bring that plan to fruition.

This plan that has now unfolded is, quite simply, an answer to many heartfelt prayers!

And Toi is wonderful...

~ She makes my kids play dough - from scratch!

~ She saved me from having to cook and bring food to a picnic - she did it for me!

~ She bought me a beautiful birthday gift.

~ She is the influence and the reason our family now occupies two additional seats in our pew on Sunday mornings.

~ She made the kids the cutest Halloween treats!

~ She adores my kids - and they adore her!

~ She bought my kids special plates and silverware to eat with when they come to her house.

~ She has embraced my entire family.

~ She babysits for me when I need help... and offers to do so even when I don't!

~ She knows how to take good pictures... and has offered to help me!

But even if she did none of those things, she would still be wonderful! Because the very best part about her is that she loves my brother. She makes him happy!

And that makes me happy! Very happy!

To bring this surprising and unexpected story to a close, I'll end by telling you that Toi relocated to Wichita from Kansas City and started a new job here in late summer. She and Bryce have joined our church and plan to get married at St. Catherine of Siena in the Fall of 2012. And after that...

Well, they will both get the Happily Ever Afterthey have dreamed about!

(And hopefully they will give my kids some cousins to play with - wink!)

Congratulations to "Uncle Brycie" and

"Blog Girl from Kansas City"

(soon to be "Aunt Toi")

Little Things {Fall 2011}

2011-11-10T22:59:00.001-06:00

After a long few months of pregnancy misery, my hormones have started to partially regulate and I'm finally starting to feel a tad bit normal again. Big and out of breath; but more like myself! So I thought I'd take some time to share a few "little things" that have given me reason to smile this Fall, despite being big and out of breath!

{A Completed Project}
After a year of sitting in boxes, I finally got our family pictures from last year framed and hung on the walls! Just in time for me to have to do them again with a newly added family member... sweet!

{Sweet Big Brother}
Sprinkled in among the normal day-to-day bickering and antagonizing that goes on between siblings, Noah often shows his sweet spot and an endearing thoughtfulness towards his little sisters. And when it happens, it makes my heart smile... big!

{Sharing an Afternoon Snack with Molly}

{He circles books for Emily on his school book order form}

{Her Eyes}
I adore Molly's eyes... they are big, blue, almond shaped, beautiful! They can be serious or sparkly. They are, to me, what make her her. And I am absolutely smitten with her and those big baby blues! (The tiny turned fingers are pretty darn cute too!)

{She Loves Braids}
Emily's hair has grown long enough that she can now wear braids. Or "braid-ez" as she calls them. It's nice to be able to twist her hair into these fun creations; but I have to admit that I miss her sweet little bob (which might be making a return today)!

{Fun Tights}
I have always dreamed about having a girl... especially a girly one. And Emily is, without a doubt, beyond "girly"! She deplores jeans and prefers to wear a dress whenever she can. In fact, one day when I made her wear jeans to preschool, she dramatically protested by saying that "everyone in my class will think I'm a boy!" So she (and me too) loves that the cooler Fall temperatures have allowed her to start wearing some fun and funky tights with her dresses! Whew... now no one will make the mistake of thinking she is a boy!

{Father/Son Bond}
Noah adores his Daddy. He is his best buddy. He wants to be just like him and it is so special and sweet to witness. He craves spending alone time with Vance. So whenever they can, Vance and Noah have special "boy time". They go to all the KU games together, spend time on the golf or tennis court together, and on some special nights, Noah gets to stay up late and watch sporting events on TV with his Dad. He watches games that last 2-3 hours; enjoying every second of it!

{Watching the World Series}

{9 Holes on a Sunday...

the first time Noah counted all his own strokes}

{Furniture Dreaming}
We might be getting new furniture. I've been saving money and dreaming of what my house might look like with a few new pieces of furniture... free of kid stains and spills! The stain/spill problem is why I'm considering black fabrics for the future!

{New Island Countertop}
Looking at these pictures makes me want to do a happy dance! Or sing "Alleluia"! I didn't think to take a "before" picture of our old island countertop, but let me assure you, this is a dramatic improvement! Not only does it make our room look bigger and brighter, we added a tiny bit of additional countertop space by adding the rounded edge and I think I will be able to get 3 barstools at the counter now! But what makes me really happy is that I no longer have to look at the wood trim that had food embedded in every single ridge and had absolutely no stain left from the years of me scrubbing it! That and the fact that the faucet that periodically decided to spray from the base all over the kitchen has also been replaced! Oh, and the new sink doesn't scratch when I hand wash the dishes! Now if only I could do the rest of the countertops too!

{Home Planning Solutions}
I am really trying hard to grow up and act like a grown up when it comes to managing my household! Schedules have always overwhelmed me and I have a mental block about meal planning and grocery shopping. But thanks to a wonderful Bible Study this Fall, I'm really learning to implement better home management. I am so grateful for the group of mom's with whom I share this study; they have given me lots of encouragement (especially as it relates to cooking) and some great, practical ideas on how to make my home life more productive and peaceful. I have planned two weeks worth of meals. That's big for me. And I made my first-ever crock pot roast. I have even started to use a list when I go to the grocery store... probably just because I found a cute pad I could put on the refrigerator :) But we haven't run out of toilet paper or diapers since I implemented the earth-shattering idea of a list! And I might even ask for a bread maker for Christmas (since I sold mine in the last garage sale after using it 1-2 times in 12 years). But let's not get too carried away!

{Sister Friends}
With Noah being gone at school during the day and Molly maturing every day, my two girlies are becoming sweet little sister friends! Each day, they are playing more and more together. Today I saw them walking through the living room, holding hands as Emily said "Come on Mol!" I love watching their relationship blossom and hope and pray they will be the best of friends always!

{Sweet Sissy Play}

{She crawls in Molly's crib every morning; and fills it up with toys and stuffed animals}

{They are ornery together too...

using the "squeakers" from Molly's shoes like blow horns}

{They actually LOVE to dress the same...

Emily requests to wear clothes to "match Molly}

{Kid Art}
Emily and Noah love to do "art"... color, paint, use scissors and glue. And they love to make artistic creations for us! Our refridgerator door has becoming a revolving door of artwork! I would have never thought that Noah would enjoy coloring/drawing as much as he does; but nearly everyday, they both sit at the countertop while I prepare dinner and work on their "workbooks" and make pictures! Molly wants to join them, but she is still in the stage of eating crayons, so she stays on the ground during "art time"!

{He loves to draw sports pictures...

(L) Noah & Daddy on the Tennis Court

(R) Win or Lose... he is a true KU fan!}

{Bracelet gifts for people}

(L) Playing Basketball by Noah

(R) ? with colored fringe cut by Emily

{A Taste of Something New}
The kids got the cutest Halloween S'more packages from Uncle Brycie and his girlfriend. They had pumpkin and ghost marshmallows in them! Neither one of them had ever experienced a S'more and they were super enamored with the gooey concept of them... especially watching the marshmallows stretch! In true "Noah fashion" though, I had to hold his S'more because he couldn't stand how messy it was making his fingers! I love their faces as they react to the new taste!

{One for the Record Books - A Happy Plate}
Emily and eating just simply don't go together. It's not that she doesn't like food; she just doesn't like to sit and eat. It takes her forever to ingest an acceptable amount of calories. She would much rather sit and visit at the dinner table than eat. Most meals involve lots of time and me prodding, reminding, and giving "number of bites" instructions just to get her to eat enough to not pass out! So it was a picture-worthy moment when I heard her little voice say "I ate everything on my plate" last night! And the rest of us were still eating! She has never had a "happy plate" before; especially one in which I didn't have to ask her or remind her to take a single bite! And as an added bonus she and Noah both agreed that my scrambled eggs and pancakes are "better than McDonalds"!

{Fall Color}
Fall is my most favorite season! I love the cooler temperatures. I love the outdoor activities. And I love watching the leaves change colors. We don't live in an area where there are lots of tall trees, but the entrance into our neighborhood is full of gorgeous Fall color. And I have so enjoyed seeing it every time I drive home. And we have a little color in our front yard too!

{His Mind}
Noah fascinates me. I can't believe how much he has learned in a few short months of first grade. He actually has a very inquiring mind and enjoys learning. He seems to have a mind for math... just like his Daddy! For entertainment, he loves to do BrainQuest workbooks and has even started creating his own worksheets to replicate the things they do in school. He has made his own versions of the learning games they play at school and tries to teach them to Emily. I just marvel at the things he finds entertaining and inwardly smile at his little developing mind!

{Math Worksheets he made...

Nonny is the student and he "graded" her work!}

{He wanted to write all of the Big 12 and NFL teams}

{A school Math game recreated}

(L) School worksheet

(R) Noah's homemade version

{He writes books... and illustrates them}

{Tiny Dancers}
Emily loves to dance! She stared a few new dance classes this Fall and she absolutely enjoys every minute of them. I think I enjoy it just as much as she does... she looks so sweet and dainty in her dance clothes. I love how graceful she is becoming... she prances and flits around the house all the time wearing her dance shoes. Molly tries to follow suit and even stomps around the house wearing Emily's old tap shoes. The most adorable thing (that I cannot get on video!), though, is when Molly dances to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song... it is too precious and absolutely cracks me up!

{Girl Shoes}
I love new shoes for myself. But little girl shoes are even more fun! I ordered the girls a bunch of new shoes (as both of their little feet have grown) online and they all came in the mail in one day. I wish I could get away with wearing some of this preciousness!

{He has BFFs}
It cracks me up that Noah is only 6 years old and he is using the terminology "BFF". Actually, his friend introduced the term to him; but he has readily taken it up! He loves to talk about who his "best friends" are at school. I found this drawing in the car (he keeps a pad and pen near his seat so he can write/draw in the car) and when I asked him about it, he told me those were his "BFFs"!

{One on One Time}
I cherish the special one on one time I get to have with each of my kids. It rarely happens though; especially for me and Emmie Kate. She loves do anything girly and is a great shopping buddy. So the "Fancy Nancy" Tea Party that our church hosted was right up her alley! Not only did she get to dress up in full dress up regalia, she and I got to spend a really fun afternoon together... just the two of us! I'm pretty sure she was the fanciest "Nancy" at the party!

I'm sure there are hundreds more "little things" that I could post if I lived each day with the deliberate intention of being grateful and present for all of life's "little things". It's a good reminder to myself to slow down, observe my life, and take the time to see the extraordinary in the ordinary of life!

So we hired a professional...

2011-11-07T23:17:00.001-06:00

I thought it would be prudent to forego professional photos of the kids this year. Especially considering I just got the ones from last year hung up and we will have another family member in a mere matter of months!

So I tried to get a good picture on my own...

But as you can see, I wasn't exactly successful...

So we decided to hire a professional instead!

The Fight for PaPa Time

2011-11-07T23:03:00.001-06:00

My kids are very lucky... they have three special grandparents who delight in their very beings! And they have special relationships with each of their grandparents.

But it is their "PaPa" who seems to often get the warmest of welcomes when he comes whistling in the back door. Several times each week, PaPa comes over in the evening to play with the kids. And the competition for "PaPa time" is becoming more and more fierce with each visit. They all three want his undivided time... to read, do puzzles, play Wii.

So sharing "PaPa time" is just not something that they are interested in.

Case in point...

Just Because I Love to Look at Them...

2011-11-04T18:20:00.001-05:00

Halloween Timeline

2011-11-04T12:39:00.001-05:00

Halloween Eve

{Pumpkin Carving with PaPa}

{one with molly too!}

Halloween Day

9:45 am

{Emily's Dance Class}

2:45 pm

{Noah's Class Party}

6:30 pm

{Dressed in Costumes}

6:40 pm

{Trick or Treating Begins}

6:50 pm

{Get Special Treats from Uncle Brycie & Toi}

8:00 pm

{Trick or Treating Continues}

8:30 pm

{Check out the Candy Stash}

8:35 pm

{Start Eating TOO MUCH CANDY!}

9:00 pm

{Off to Bed}

9:20 pm...

{Molly wakes every 30 minutes!}

Tuesday, November 1st

10:00 am

{The CANDY MONSTER strikes again!}

10:30 am

{Bathe candy coated Molly}

11:00 am

{Molly naps 3 hours early and wakes up TIRED...
and NAKED!}

1:30 pm
{Molly naps again!}

Friday, November 5th

{I think we are finally recovering from our CANDY COMAS!}

It was a very

Happy Halloween Indeed!

{we didn't get a family picture this year...
much too excited kids!}

A Few Funny & Sweet Things...

1. The skirt of Emily's Firefly costume lit up! It is why she picked it! The camera couldn't get a picture of it glowing, but it was SUPER cute! It fit her personality perfectly... she danced and flitted around for weeks in her "Fancy Firefly" costume!

2. With the exception of the wings, I made Molly's Dragonfly costume. And yes, I am STILL picking up sequins... I even found one in Molly's diaper yesterday! Molly LOVED the trick-or-treating experience. She was a bit mesmerized by it all, but by the end, she was a pro at picking her candy... and saying "tan tu"!

3. We had to convince Noah to dress up this year. He had no interest in participating in my theme of "Things that Fly" {which just about killed me!}. No astronaut, no fly, no bat, no planet, not even an "angry bird"... NOTHING! He told me that he didn't want to look silly and that he "is just not that kind of a person." His serious little personality is so cute {and frustrating at times!}. In the end, as he was getting dressed, referring to the costume I put together for him, he said... "Mom, this is a lot cooler than I thought it would be!" Made my heart happy!

Going, Going, GONE!

2011-10-19T00:08:00.000-05:00

Noah discovered his very first loose tooth some time over the summer. To say that he was excited for it to fall out is an understatement! He felt like he was the only one who had yet to lose a tooth, so when he felt the wiggle, he simply couldn't stop wiggling it in hopes it would soon fall out! He wiggled and wiggled and wiggled it...

to no avail! That tooth simply would not get loose enough to fall out!

Until the beginning of September.

All of a sudden it was very loose! The yucky kind of loose where it gets in the way of your tongue when you speak. And given the uncomfortableness of it, Noah's desire to have it fall out increased exponentially!

And so he asked his Daddy to pull it out; unaware of Daddy's queasiness when it comes to anything that might possibly involve blood. So I quickly suggested that he ask his PaPa to pull it out instead; reminding him that from what I remember from my childhood, PaPa was an excellent tooth puller!

He excitedly agreed and made the phone call invitation to his PaPa.

Sure that it would come out, I took a final photo of his tooth filled smile...

And then the tooth pulling attempts began...

Again, to no avail!

And so we decided to wait a bit longer.

A few days later, the yuckiness factor had increased enough for PaPa to try again...

still to no avail!

Then one Sunday morning before church, on September 4th, (while me and my camera were no where to be found), that stubborn tooth just simply fell out on its own!

And this boy was SO excited!

It just so happened that around this time, Noah's teacher had read them a book about the different kinds of things people do in various countries with their teeth. He was particularly drawn to one tradition he learned about and so he made the decision that he wanted to save all of his teeth! He was very specific in wanting to make a special box that would house his teeth for an unspecified period of time. He was noncommittal about when, if ever, he would turn in any of his teeth to the American "Tooth Fairy"!

And so I made a trip to Michaels for craft supplies and together, Noah and I made him his very own special "tooth box." Noah happily put his tooth inside and left it there. He even took it to Show & Tell! He made no mention of the "Tooth Fairy" at all; he was just happy to have an open space in his smile and a tooth in his special box!

And then...

Exactly 2 weeks later, on another Sunday morning before church, Noah's second tooth just fell out! With no pulling attempts needed, the "companion tooth" just made its way out on its own!

And Noah's smile took on another new look...

And there was another change too!

He decided that he wanted to turn in the first tooth to the "Tooth Fairy". But he wanted to keep the second one! He also informed me that the going rate for "really white teeth" is a silver coin! And so that night, he placed his first tooth, and only his first tooth, under his pillow in his special box!

That night, the tooth fairy took his first tooth in exchange for a silver coin and three one dollar bills! Noah thought it was a pretty fair trade. But as of today, his second tooth still resides inside his special little box! I think he might be waiting for the value of teeth to increase because as he told me...

"If I only get a quarter, I'll just keep my teeth. That's not enough!"

He is so funny, creative, and analytical... I just love his little personality.

And his new grin is pretty cute too!

Different Days

2011-10-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

There are days when I am so proud of Noah's selfless behavior towards his sister that I could just burst. For example, a week or so ago, Noah earned a trip to the coveted "Treasure Chest" at school. This is a very exciting thing for a 1st grader; not to mention it takes some time to earn this special privilege. In order to pick a ~~piece of junk~~ treasure from the "Treasure Chest", a student has to have earned 10 "bugs" for good behavior. And on this particular day, it was only Noah's 3rd time to get to indulge in the pile of ~~junk~~ treasures. When I picked him up from school that day, he excitedly told me of his accomplishment. I was proud that he had earned the trip for his good behavior, but the part that made me really proud is this...

He told me that instead of picking something for himself this time, he picked something for Emily! He went on to tell me that he had chosen to make a sacrifice because "there was something in there that {he} really wanted!"

His "sacrificial" trip to the "Treasure Chest" resulted in a very small container of bubbles. Emily was completely delighted to receive this treasure from her brother. And I think he was pretty delighted to be able to give it to her too!

It is days and moments like that one that make me feel like I'm doing something right as a parent!

And then there are the different kind of days...

Days that end in Noah writing this note to his sister...

{Translation: "I'm sorry for trying to suffocate you; especially after Mommy just gave us a HUGE lecture about the dangers of putting pillows on people's heads. I know I could've killed you, but you seemed to think it was funny so I did it anyway. And I'm sorry for nearly defecating you in the bathroom. I thought that would be funny too. But I am sorry and I love you."}

At least he wrote the second page!

Even with the apology note (written completely independently), these are the kind of days that make me question the effectiveness of my parenting skills!

So I just never know what kind of a day I'm going to have around here... hoping that today is a "story #1" kind of a day!

A Parenting Low?

2011-10-05T14:24:00.001-05:00

I think my pregnancy fatigue may have caused me to hit a new parenting low this morning.

When Molly woke up too early, I actually told Emily that she could go into Molly's room, play on the window sill (something I have previously told her not to do!), and put a bunch of toys in Molly's bed (another thing I've asked her not to do!). And if that wasn't bad enough, I told her I would buy her a pack of stickers if she did it!

Yes, friends, I actually bribed my child to do something I've previously told her not to do!

Why?

So I could close my eyes and sleep for a few more minutes!

It gets worse though.

When that bribe didn't last long enough, I told her if she would go back and do it for 15 more minutes that I would buy her two packs of stickers!

Bribery and Breaking the Rules... I'm pretty sure I've hit a new parenting low!

All in the name of SLEEP!

Happy Things

2011-10-04T18:19:00.001-05:00

It's been a bad day. OK, a bad week.

Who am I kidding?!

It's been a bad month. Or many months. In fact, the past 4 months may have been the hardest of my adult life.

I've complained and cried so much that I am officially sick of myself!

And so I thought I would just simply think on a few "little things" that make me happy... creature comforts that I long for... especially on days like today!

The Smell of Rain... especially in the morning!
Chips & Guacamole... especially when the chips are thin and really salty!
A Clean House... preferably one that has been cleaned by someone other than me!
Personalized Stationary and other Personalized Unnecessary Paper Products
Inspirational Ballads from great Muscials (my current favorite is "Defying Gravity" from Wicked)
Clean Sheets
An Organized Closet
Cute & Fun Bags... I am a "bag lady"; always carrying a bag of "to dos"!
Watching my girls dance for me
Red Velvet Cake
The weeds, feathers from dead birds, and other pieces of "nature" that my children routinely pick up from the ground to give to me as "gifts"
Handmade Soap
A Clean Purse (no dirty tissues, roaming receipts, food remnants, or trash inside)
Bubble Baths
Orange Vanilla Scented Candles
Vacuum Lines in the Carpet
Freshly Painted Toenails
Grilled and Buttered Corn on the Cob
Freshly Bathed Children in PJ's
Crossing things off of a written "to do" list... the "old fashioned" way
Anything Monogrammed
Handmade and Unique Children's Clothing
Sleeping Babies
Sleeping with the Windows OPEN!
Cool & Crisp Fall Weather! (Please Fall, come back soon! It was so nice to have you for a quick week!)

What little things make you happy?